“WE LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU ARE”

Every child is different, unique and special in a way they are.

Mostly, parents are children’s foremost priority to seek help, to share their feelings etc. It is an enduring bond, which is shared with love, care, affection and understanding. Positive parenting, appreciation, and whatever a child experiences leads to a warm relationship that grows and lives forever. Every parent deserves respect for their efforts and hard work they put in to give a better life.

On the other hand, to boost a child’s strengths, their capabilities, parents often use some reinforcement techniques; appreciating and rewarding when She/he displays good behavior or do the work as assigned and many other techniques, which is helpful for their development.

But the problem begins when we start comparing our children with others, with an idea of motivating so that they can do better. How can a child even perform in such constant pressure? By comparison, we are creating an expectation of image, that you have to do better than him/her, and what you are doing is not enough. The self-esteem automatically gets effected, the appreciation and reward now lie with how well you perform like others or even better than them. Every child is special and exhibits different qualities.

The idea of seeing their child accomplishing success is acceptable but not with this notion of comparing and not letting a child create their worth or image. It can impact a child’s mind and the constant pressure can lead to stress and various other mental and physical health problems. It may lead to hate and not trusting their efforts or words like I can’t do it, I can never achieve this, I am good for nothing. They may also look and observe, that their parents are happier and appreciating other's efforts more. It further deteriorates, when a child decides not to confront or talk about his/her feelings.

Sometimes comparison stems from parent's past life, what they have succeeded in their lives, they want their child to do better or what they could not achieve, why?

Interest, ability, motivation, choices and what not matters when a child decides what She/he wants. Maybe a child works hard with this stress and performs well, but it will create distance in your relationship or the urge to always competing and doing good by not respecting other's emotions.

Sibling rivalry starts with the same. If parents expect both their children to do the same or become the same, it leads to distance and cold relationships among them.

Instead of propagating such techniques, try to appreciate your child with whatever they do, they want to become. Carl rogers, described unconditional positive regard, which is even necessary while dealing with kids, provide them love and regard not by setting conditions. Don’t make or set unfeasible goals for your child, accept them the way they are and work on improving their weakness by helping them how to cope better rather than presenting comparisons. Even if, one wants to set some goals, it should be prepared by keeping in mind with a child’s strengths and abilities and by also celebrating and applauding their performance.

A child performs the best when He/she is surrounded by loved ones, with whom they can share their weakness and be their real version.